Discussions with Zharphyn

I have been thinking a lot lately about the friends that have come and gone in my life.  I have had many jobs, gone to several different schools, and lived in many towns throughout my life.  In all cases, I had good friends while I was there, most of whom I left behind when I left.  I often think about these lost friends, and I wonder what their lives have turned into.

I was born in Winnipeg, and my family was friends with another family down the street.  The youngest of the family was the same age as I, a girl named Lori.  I can remember her parents and my parents making the usual jokes about Lori and I growing and getting married.  At age 4 I did not understand the jokes.  Although I had several other friends, I do not remember names now.  When my family moved to the province of British Columbia when I was six, I left all my friends behind, but I often wonder what became of Lori.

I spent seven years living in the town of Port Moody, attending Seaview Elementary school.  I had many friends during that time.  Names that come to mind include: Billy was our neighbour.  The running joke was that when he came over to our house, he would forget either his asthma inhaler, or his pants (he would show up in pajama bottoms). My friend Jamie lived down the road.  He and I played together daily for several years before I moved away.  After the move, he and I exchanged a couple of letters, and I went to visit him a couple of times.  He had a severe stutter, which always seemed less pronounced when he was talking to me.   Stephen was my best friend until he moved away in grade 5.  He and I did everything together, and when he moved, I never heard from him again.  I had such a crush on Stacy.  She had a twin brother named Shawn that was a major trouble maker.  The stories that I could tell about Shawn.  Looking back now, Shawn had ADHD and was never diagnosed.  He was expelled from school but I remained friends with him until I moved away.   Danielle and I played together every day until about grade 5 when male/female distinctions started to kick in.  I noticed that she was female, and she noticed that I was male.  Boys at that age are a major annoyance to girls that age, and our friendship dissolved as I started spending more time with the guys.   Jeremy was the cool kid.  I remember playing “motorcycle gang” during recess in grade one.   Noel, Christian, Larry and I were a tight foursome for several years.  After I moved, I just lost contact with them.   The list could go on for a very long time.  I have managed to reconnect with two old elementary school friends through Facebook, which is great, but I think about the rest of them.  Some of them were with me for the entire seven years I attended school, yet when I moved, that was the end of our friendships.

Secondary School found me in the town of Langley attending Mountain Secondary School (MSS) I spent five years at Mountain, and several of the friends that I made there have become friends for life.  But I have lost some of the friends that I had there and I wonder about them.  Kathy had severe seizures, and actually had brain surgery to separate the left and right brain.  Raphael and I were good friend for many years after school ended.  He went on to become a doctor.  He married another doctor, and moved to Toronto (I think).  He and I have had minimal contact since.  High school is a tough time to remain friends with people.  There is so much change that occurs in your life through high school, and your early twenties, that people you were really close to seem to just drift away.

After high school, I started to move a lot.  I counted once.  I had moved eleven times in ten years.  Every time I moved, I left friends behind, and made new friends.  Darcy separated from his girlfriend and came and lived on my couch for two months.  Darca was into Batman comics, and I loaned her a couple of mine, and never got them back.  I had such a crush on Lori, but so did everyone because she was amazing.  Fun, outgoing, gorgeous, smart, just an amazing package.  Things were never the same between us after I tried to move our relationship beyond friends.  Garry was a free spirit.  He was a recovered cocaine addict that was trying to rebuild his shattered life.  He taught me how to be independent, and to live free.  When a great job opportunity came up, he moved with a few days.  I exchanged letters with him a few times, and was excited when he won custody of his children.   Melodie, Rick, Richard worked together at an extremely poorly managed start up company.  Terrible management, and some bad staffing choices led directly to the company’s downfall.  Rick and Richard were co-op students who risked a great deal rather than continue working for the company.  Quitting a co-op job meant being kicked out of the faculty and losing their university degree, unless extraordinary circumstances could be demonstrated.  Fortunately for the guys, not only did the university believe the stories the guys told, but actually black-listed the company, barring them from ever getting another co-op student.  Melodie and I stuck around for another year with the company before Mel called it quits and moved away.  I lasted only two months with Mel’s replacement before my frustration with the company caused me to lose my temper in the office, and I was terminated.  Mel, Rick and Richard all attended my wedding the following year, with Rick standing as one of my groomsmen.  I have only seen any of the three two or three times in the past eight years, but I still think of them as good friends.

I am terrible at writing emails to my friends, or even just calling them.  My best friend Dean and I see each other rarely, almost never talk on the telephone, and do not email.  We will have text chats occasionally, but he and I are both busy in our lives.  I just saw him last month at his daughter’s (my god-daughter) 2nd birthday.  An intimate affair consisting of just his family, parents and sister, and my wife and I.  He and I have been friends for almost 26 years, and I think of him as family.  My wife and I are his daughter’s godparents, but I have only seen Ariel a handful of times in two years.  I have set foot inside his condo only twice, and he has lived there for eight years.  I do not know his home phone number by memory only his cell, which is fine considering I do not think Dean even knows my home phone number.  He only ever calls my cell.  But I know that if I ever truly needed him, he would, without hesitation, drop whatever he was doing to be there for me.

I believe that angels come to us in many forms.  Catherine was a lost soul.  She was beautiful and did not believe it.  I met her when I replaced her at her job when she left for maternity leave.  She had been the mistress that became pregnant by accident.  She dated a string of abusive men, because she believed that was all she was worth.  She equated sex with love.  She was the first girl to heal my injured soul after my first wife left me.  She taught me that I could have feelings again for another woman.  Another of my angels was Tricia.  She and I flirted and joked around.  She made me feel alive again.  The strange thing that I found with these girls, is that they went out of my life for a short period of time, and when they returned, our relationship was very different; very uncomfortable.  It was as though they had, unknowingly, done the job God sent them to do and were now returned to normal.

So, to all my friends who have remained with me through all my moves, I want to say that I appreciate your love and support throughout the years, and I hope that we will have many more years together.  To those friends that I have lost along the way, I want to say that I appreciate the time that we had together and I do still think of you.  I hope that your life turned out well, and that you are happy.