Discussions with Zharphyn

I was doing really well for a while making regular posts, and then I just stopped.  Not certain why.  My HCG diet went well, I lost almost 30 pounds in 37 days.  My wife and I are planning to start another round on February 3rd.  Hopefully I will be more diligent at keeping up with progress posts.  I am hoping to lose more than 30 pounds on round two, that is my personal challenge to myself.  I need to be stricter with my self-control, and I need to avoid my temptation foods.

I have found myself day-dreaming about winning the lottery more and more lately.  I think I need a vacation.  I have built a spreadsheet that I use to calculate purchases, staff salaries, cash gifts to friends and family and some of my dream trips.  I have been tinkering with my spreadsheet for over a year, and it is getting quite complex with calculations and formula.  I have also been cruising MLS listings looking at property, and two have grabbed my attention.  A huge estate and a smaller mansion.  It can be fun dreaming, but I still have to stay focused on reality.  Although I am not completely convinced of the huge estate’s size estimates.  According to what I have found about the property, it has a 45,000 sqft house, situated on 20,000 acres.  20,000 acres is 8094 Hectares or 31.25 square miles.  To those of you who know the park, Campbell Valley Park is 535 Hectares, which makes this private property over 15 times the size.  However, I cannot find a property of that size on Google maps, or the city property zoning.  Also, I would think that property of that size would be listed at a much higher price then that for which it is listed.  There is reference to it being one of the largest private estates in Canada, which helps support the massive property size.  I am tempted to contact the realtor and ask the questions, or arrange a viewing just for fun.

Another one of my guilty pleasures is the Philip DeFranco Show.  He has become a very successful YouTube blogger, reporting his personal take on the news.   He has quite a flair for interpreting the news of the day, and I always enjoy listening to his “Douche Bag of the Day” and the “BAMF of the Day” editorials.  With new episodes airing Monday – Thursday, I look forward to my 6 minute news update.  He recently did a live Q&A session in Dublin during his “DeFranco Does Europe” tour.  It was the first time he had done such an event, and it was a huge success.

Things have been going well overall. I had a couple of days where I stumbled, which affected me. One day I forgot to take my afternoon drops, and the following day I got margarine on my hands whilst making the kids their lunch, so I think I have only lost about 2 lbs over the last 3-4 days. But still, that is 2 lbs in 4 days! My jeans are looking very baggy on me, and people are commenting on my face looking thinner. I will be happy when I have lost enough weight in my fingers that I can once again wear my wedding band.
I have decided to end phase 2 of my journey on Dec 21, 2011, because that will give me enough time to end the VLCD before Christmas Eve. Although I have been informed that the Christmas dinner at the in-laws will be ribs and chicken wings. Normally I would love that, but since the ribs will (presumably) be covered in BBQ sauce, which contains sugar, and the chicken wings will likely also have a sugar based coating I will not be able to eat them. Even if the ribs are plain, if they are pork ribs, the fat content is likely too high for to consume. I am going to have to start doing some research on allowed/disallowed food during maintenance.
My wife and I are fantasizing about our next gorge period, scheduled for mid-February. The restaurant Montana’s has an all you can eat rib night every Wednesday, during which, everything on your plate is endless, not just the ribs.  My wife is dreaming of a Chinese buffet, and I want a platter of Nachos.  I also am thinking about getting a dozen doughnuts from Timmy’s and eating some jars of Nacho Cheese dip.  Thinking back, we really did not take advantage of our previous gorge period properly.  Alcohol, pizza, potato chips, and chocolate are things that I am definitely missing right now, that I look forward to eating in excess next February.

There are a couple of friends that I am hoping to encourage into joining me for my next cycle.  I am 2 weeks in and, while it is a constant test of will-power, I would recommend this diet to anyone that is overweight and looking to lose 20+ pounds.

It is day 13, I was down 2.5 pounds today, which brings my total to 17.4 pounds.  On my Naturopath‘s advice, I increased the number of drops that I take each dose, and my feelings of hunger have gone away.  I also stopped eating onions because I think my body was having difficulty processing them.  The days that I ate an onion as my vegatable, my loss amount decreased to the point where I actually gained.  Cut out the onion, and my body bounced back immediately, and my daily loss amount went back up.  I have added cilantro as my seasoning of choice, mix that with Frank’s® RedHot® Sauce and you get an excellent flavour with some great heat.  On my GP’s advice, I am going to try and go for 36 days.  This will put my first day of non-VLCD maintenance on Christmas Eve.  This will allow me to eat a little bit of the family Christmas dinner.  I still won’t be able to eat stuffing or potatoes, but turkey will be nice.

Down another 1.9 pounds today!  Brings my total to 10.9 lbs since starting my HCG journey.  When you factor in the 7+ lbs I gained while loading, one could claim that I have lost 18+ lbs, but I am counting from my opening weight on day 1.  I have food cravings almost constantly, and it takes great will power to resist temptation.  My son gave me the remains of his lunch yesterday, and the slice of homemade pepperoni pizza with extra cheese certainly looked very appealing, but I resisted.

I was initially concerned about using Frank’s Hot Sauce for flavouring my food, but I must agree with their  slogan, “I put that * in everything”.  The chicken and lettuce I had yesterday tasted great, and the hot sauce encouraged me to drink my water.  I have also been using balsamic vinegar, curry powder and cayenne pepper.  Hopefully my stomach will shrink soon, because I am tired of always being hungry, it makes the temptations harder to fight off.  At least every morning on the scale is very encouraging to me.

Well, it is day eight and I have not cheated.  I am down 9 pounds, so far, and people are seeing a difference in my face.  My wife wants to go the full 40 days, but that puts us right into Christmas.  I do not think that I can do Christmas functions on a VLCD.  I do not have my calendar in front of me, but I believe day 40 is Christmas eve.  I would start maintenance on Christmas day, which is still VLCD for three days.  Although Christmas dinner with no starches would be tough.  If I have a bad day on maintenance, I can always follow with a steak day, which almost sounds like fun.  No food all day, then a 14oz steak for dinner.  I will decide closer to day 26 to see where my feelings on continuing lie.

Well it is day 2 of my HCG diet.  I am still in the loading stage.  I overstuffed myself yesterday, and I had trouble sleeping because my stomach felt distended.  I woke up this morning, and weighed myself to discover that I had gained 5.5 lbs since yesterday.  I will try to take it a little easier today, but the instructions say that the better I gorge myself now, the better the diet will work.

I went shopping and bought a new digital kitchen scale today.  On sale at Canadian Tire for $20.  Then I bought the basic manual for the HCG diet at the Naturopath’s office now that they have stock.  Tomorrow start the VLCD portion of the diet.  23 days of that and I will see what results I get.  1 pound a day, here I come.

Tomorrow I start my journey through the HCG diet.  Today, I met with Teena at the Selkirk Clinic to discuss the specifics of the HCG diet.  I am excited and nervous at the same time.  The first two days are fun, eat as much as you can.  To quote from written instructions: “If you do not ‘pig out’ properly, you will not see the results you want.”  I am good at pigging out.  It is something that I am very good at.  On day three, the real diet starts;  500 calories a day.  To lose a pound a day, I am will to try.

So a little over a week ago, my doctor recommended to my wife that she and I try the HCG diet.  We were steered to the Selkirk Clinic in Maple Ridge.  I met with the Naturopath on Tuesday to discuss my health and medical history, and my wife and I are scheduled to meet with the HCG consultant on Monday.  Then it is off to the races; 40 pounds in 40 days.  It would be nice to show up for Christmas dinner 40 pounds lighter.  My favourite part of the diet is that I am not supposed to do any extra exercise whilst on the diet.  I will only be consuming 500 calories per day, and the rest of the caloric intake will come from the fat stores that are being consumed.  All the toxins stored in my fat cells are going to be released into my system, should be interesting.  I am looking forward to this diet.  It will be tough to eat so little, but I currently weigh ~320 lbs, and I am 36% body fat, so I have a great deal to lose to be considered healthy.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the friends that have come and gone in my life.  I have had many jobs, gone to several different schools, and lived in many towns throughout my life.  In all cases, I had good friends while I was there, most of whom I left behind when I left.  I often think about these lost friends, and I wonder what their lives have turned into.

I was born in Winnipeg, and my family was friends with another family down the street.  The youngest of the family was the same age as I, a girl named Lori.  I can remember her parents and my parents making the usual jokes about Lori and I growing and getting married.  At age 4 I did not understand the jokes.  Although I had several other friends, I do not remember names now.  When my family moved to the province of British Columbia when I was six, I left all my friends behind, but I often wonder what became of Lori.

I spent seven years living in the town of Port Moody, attending Seaview Elementary school.  I had many friends during that time.  Names that come to mind include: Billy was our neighbour.  The running joke was that when he came over to our house, he would forget either his asthma inhaler, or his pants (he would show up in pajama bottoms). My friend Jamie lived down the road.  He and I played together daily for several years before I moved away.  After the move, he and I exchanged a couple of letters, and I went to visit him a couple of times.  He had a severe stutter, which always seemed less pronounced when he was talking to me.   Stephen was my best friend until he moved away in grade 5.  He and I did everything together, and when he moved, I never heard from him again.  I had such a crush on Stacy.  She had a twin brother named Shawn that was a major trouble maker.  The stories that I could tell about Shawn.  Looking back now, Shawn had ADHD and was never diagnosed.  He was expelled from school but I remained friends with him until I moved away.   Danielle and I played together every day until about grade 5 when male/female distinctions started to kick in.  I noticed that she was female, and she noticed that I was male.  Boys at that age are a major annoyance to girls that age, and our friendship dissolved as I started spending more time with the guys.   Jeremy was the cool kid.  I remember playing “motorcycle gang” during recess in grade one.   Noel, Christian, Larry and I were a tight foursome for several years.  After I moved, I just lost contact with them.   The list could go on for a very long time.  I have managed to reconnect with two old elementary school friends through Facebook, which is great, but I think about the rest of them.  Some of them were with me for the entire seven years I attended school, yet when I moved, that was the end of our friendships.

Secondary School found me in the town of Langley attending Mountain Secondary School (MSS) I spent five years at Mountain, and several of the friends that I made there have become friends for life.  But I have lost some of the friends that I had there and I wonder about them.  Kathy had severe seizures, and actually had brain surgery to separate the left and right brain.  Raphael and I were good friend for many years after school ended.  He went on to become a doctor.  He married another doctor, and moved to Toronto (I think).  He and I have had minimal contact since.  High school is a tough time to remain friends with people.  There is so much change that occurs in your life through high school, and your early twenties, that people you were really close to seem to just drift away.

After high school, I started to move a lot.  I counted once.  I had moved eleven times in ten years.  Every time I moved, I left friends behind, and made new friends.  Darcy separated from his girlfriend and came and lived on my couch for two months.  Darca was into Batman comics, and I loaned her a couple of mine, and never got them back.  I had such a crush on Lori, but so did everyone because she was amazing.  Fun, outgoing, gorgeous, smart, just an amazing package.  Things were never the same between us after I tried to move our relationship beyond friends.  Garry was a free spirit.  He was a recovered cocaine addict that was trying to rebuild his shattered life.  He taught me how to be independent, and to live free.  When a great job opportunity came up, he moved with a few days.  I exchanged letters with him a few times, and was excited when he won custody of his children.   Melodie, Rick, Richard worked together at an extremely poorly managed start up company.  Terrible management, and some bad staffing choices led directly to the company’s downfall.  Rick and Richard were co-op students who risked a great deal rather than continue working for the company.  Quitting a co-op job meant being kicked out of the faculty and losing their university degree, unless extraordinary circumstances could be demonstrated.  Fortunately for the guys, not only did the university believe the stories the guys told, but actually black-listed the company, barring them from ever getting another co-op student.  Melodie and I stuck around for another year with the company before Mel called it quits and moved away.  I lasted only two months with Mel’s replacement before my frustration with the company caused me to lose my temper in the office, and I was terminated.  Mel, Rick and Richard all attended my wedding the following year, with Rick standing as one of my groomsmen.  I have only seen any of the three two or three times in the past eight years, but I still think of them as good friends.

I am terrible at writing emails to my friends, or even just calling them.  My best friend Dean and I see each other rarely, almost never talk on the telephone, and do not email.  We will have text chats occasionally, but he and I are both busy in our lives.  I just saw him last month at his daughter’s (my god-daughter) 2nd birthday.  An intimate affair consisting of just his family, parents and sister, and my wife and I.  He and I have been friends for almost 26 years, and I think of him as family.  My wife and I are his daughter’s godparents, but I have only seen Ariel a handful of times in two years.  I have set foot inside his condo only twice, and he has lived there for eight years.  I do not know his home phone number by memory only his cell, which is fine considering I do not think Dean even knows my home phone number.  He only ever calls my cell.  But I know that if I ever truly needed him, he would, without hesitation, drop whatever he was doing to be there for me.

I believe that angels come to us in many forms.  Catherine was a lost soul.  She was beautiful and did not believe it.  I met her when I replaced her at her job when she left for maternity leave.  She had been the mistress that became pregnant by accident.  She dated a string of abusive men, because she believed that was all she was worth.  She equated sex with love.  She was the first girl to heal my injured soul after my first wife left me.  She taught me that I could have feelings again for another woman.  Another of my angels was Tricia.  She and I flirted and joked around.  She made me feel alive again.  The strange thing that I found with these girls, is that they went out of my life for a short period of time, and when they returned, our relationship was very different; very uncomfortable.  It was as though they had, unknowingly, done the job God sent them to do and were now returned to normal.

So, to all my friends who have remained with me through all my moves, I want to say that I appreciate your love and support throughout the years, and I hope that we will have many more years together.  To those friends that I have lost along the way, I want to say that I appreciate the time that we had together and I do still think of you.  I hope that your life turned out well, and that you are happy.

In October 2009, in the span of less than a week, I experienced the greatest high point one can experience, and one of the darkest moments one can experience.  On Tuesday October 6th, I received the information that the previous night,  my brother-in-law had experienced a stroke and was now hospitalized in a coma.  That was Tuesday, on Friday October 9th, my son Spencer was born.

My father had a series of strokes fifteen years ago, and is essentially fine now, so I believed that Al would recover.  “I believe” became the theme whilst Al was in hospital.  People wrote cards and letters centred around everyone’s fervent belief that Al would recover.

As the month progressed, the information surrounding Al’s stroke brought darker and darker news.  It was explained to us that Al did not have a stroke, as the episode occurred on the brain-stem and not the brain.  The damage to Al’s brain stem was severe.  Although the odds of recovery were bleak, everyone still believed.  Al was a fighter.  He would not allow the doctor’s to be right, he would prove them wrong.

On November 1st, I received the information that Al had a second episode, and had died.  I was devastated.  Al was a vibrant man, loved by the people who knew him.  He has two children aged 12 and 7.  “How could this happen?” I asked myself repeatedly.  It was not fair, it was not right, but it was what happened.  My sister had been barely functional while Al was in hospital, now collapsed into a wreck.  Her friends and family near where she lives had come to her rescue while Al was in hospital rallied even harder to help my sister.  They did the repairs in her house, cooked her meals, cleaned her house, and took her children for “play-dates”.   My sister is a very proud woman and had difficulty allowing her friends to help her in this fashion, but knew that she needed the help.  The celebration of life was the first genuine celebration of life that I had attended.  My sister rented a hall, and was going to set up 200 chairs, but her friends convinced her to set up 300.  Reluctantly my sister agreed.  She thought 200 was more than she would need, and 300 would look excessive, especially as they would sit empty.  When I arrived at the hall, it was already standing room only.  It is estimated that 550+ people showed up to express their love for Al.  The celebration consisted of several people standing up and telling their memories of Al while they played a computer slide show of pictures.  The tone of the event was joyous tinged with great sadness.  When the event finished, everyone started back to their normal lives, everyone that is except my sister.

My sister’s life was now in shambles.  She now had to try and pick up what pieces she could, and figure out how to fill in all the holes in her life.  She had lost her husband and best friend, and her children had lost their father.  It was a gaping wound in their hearts that a little bit of counselling would not fix.  Fast forward 10 months to today – Al’s 12 year old son tries to hide his emotions in typical male fashion.  Al’s 7 year old daughter is angry at the world, but especially with her mother.  My sister is still lost.  Her emotions are still very raw.  Many days she lacks the motivation to get out of bed, and when she does get up she finds it difficult to do anything.

This morning I found a posting on her Facebook site that she had written during the night last night.  It broke my heart.  Six hours later I still have tears in my eyes.  For the first hour I wept uncontrollably.  Her son is on a Scout trip that for three years Al had been planning and preparing the scout troop.  Al always had big plans for his future.  He had written down his goals for the next twenty years of his life.  Goals that now he will now never achieve.  My sister questions how this could have happened.  Hundreds of people were praying to God for Al to recover.  We all genuinely believed that he would get better.  The quantum power of those actions should have been enough to heal Al, but he died anyway.  So what is the point to prayer or belief?  This is the question that my sister is asking.  Her heart is not broken, it is shattered with the largest piece small enough to fit through the head of a pin.

In her posting my sister quotes the Alias song “I Need You Now”.  I was left thinking about a Garth Brooks song, “Unanswered Prayers”.  In the song, Garth sings that when you pray fervently for something and God does not answer, it is likely because God has a bigger plan for you, and granting you your prayer would hinder that plan. I do not pretend to know God’s will, or even if there is a God. I sometimes question the decisions that God makes. Why does he allow certain major disasters to occur and yet prevents some of the smaller events. Or maybe there is no God and everything is random. My business partner would claim alien intervention rather than God, and perhaps he is correct.
Maybe next time I will tell you all why I believe that God made a mistake and took the wrong brother-in-law of mine. He took the hard working, decent man, father of two, Scout leader, and left behind my other brother-in-law. A man whose actions have pushed my family to near bankruptcy, and caused massive marital problems between myself and my wife. He is a narcissistic man who expects that life will hand him a silver platter. He has an attitude of expectation, and does little to nothing to help the world around him. I guess God knew which man the residents of heaven would prefer to have. Not that I really expect my other brother-in-law to go to heaven. All I know, is that if I was given the choice to trade the places of my two brother-in-laws, I would not hesitate for one second in my decision.  I know that I will get in trouble with my in-laws if any of them read this post, but I am speaking the truth, and most of my in-laws do not actually know the real story of what transpired in Calgary this year.  Or if they do know, and they still speak to me the way they do I want nothing more to do with them, ever.